Over the past week I’ve been kind of down. It’s actually been a little longer than that if I was honest with myself but lets go with the last week. Nothing is really wrong in life so why do I feel this way? I just did my first European vacation. I mean why should I feel sad and gloomy? I live in a fantastic city with so much to do and see. So why am I blue?
It’s Sunday morning I’ve made breakfast, watched cartoons, I’ve gotten laundry going and I’ve been working on one of my entrepreneurial ventures. So why do I feel like something is missing or not complete? Well it all comes down to the lack of a connection with another person. A lover if you will. Why is it so important?
Someone remarked to me the other night about how they have been single longer than their last relationship lasted. Well that doesn’t take all that much for me I guess. My last serious relationship last 3 years. Not even a consecutive 3 years. I had left for a short period.
I’ve been told that you should be able to speak to friends about this kind of thing. When I’ve done that though I’ve not found it to be a positive experience. It normally gets turned around on me or they cling on to it as well and want pity from me. Then people wonder, “Why pay to see a therapist?” Well that seem pretty clear to me. At least they’ve been trained to show some empathy and then how to help you move past these things.
Maybe it’s time to hit the library and see if I can find a book on improving self esteem. That would be a good start I think. I’m seem a lot of this steams from a lack of self esteem and worth. At work people seem to feel it’s appropriate to make discouraging remarks and treat people as though they are not equal. What I keep hearing is everyone is stupid except for me/us. It’s hard to build self esteem or worth in that kind of environment.
Well for now I’ll at least Google how to build self esteem and see where that takes me. Who knows maybe I’ll learn something that helps me on the internet. That’s always a possibility even though we all know that the internet is just for porn.