So this week the weather has been beautiful here in San Francisco. People would complain that it was too hot but after living in New Orleans it was mild. Having sun in my life I find makes a huge difference. I had thought that my vacation would be sun and warm weather but I chose to do something different. I went to Rotterdam (the Netherlands in Europe) and it was cold and kind of dismal. So this past week was a welcomed and pleasant change.
So this week I’m thinking about how I did on the list of 13 Tips to Building Self Esteem. Well #1 start small I’ve done but I don’t think I’m pushing myself that hard. I keep myself busy but that’s a diversion most times. I’ve done it so long I don’t even know I’m doing it now.
This week my action to push my boundaries was to look inside myself to deal with one of my demons. My weight is the demon I decided to shine some light. This week after talking to a therapist we had agreed that I would look into Weight Watchers and minimally see when and where they had meetings. Checking to see when the meetings are held is pretty easy. I’ve done it before and I can do that without allowing it to get too close to me. Protecting the demon or all the feelings of shame and fear. I told the therapist before that I saw the group (Weight Watchers) in the same way that I see a cult or church. Ironically I see churches and cults in the same way.
When I pulled up the list of meetings in the area I saw that there was one in the LGBT Center here in San Francisco. Being gay that made it seem somewhat more “safe”. I found that the meeting was on Saturday morning at 10 AM. Anyone who knows me knows that more than likely I’m not going to have plans at 10 AM. Well maybe going to breakfast but now that’s (eating) part of the problem. To push myself I filled out a form to go to the meeting and made plans to go and check it out. I wasn’t sure what to expect. Emotions ran high and there were wacky visions that crossed my mind. Remember I thought of Weight Watchers as a cult.
So Saturday morning came and I rolled myself out of bed and got ready to go to the meeting. There was anxiety but I pushed forward. I’ve done a lot of things in my life that were ‘uncomfortable’. I’m pleased to say that I didn’t find the meeting to be a cult and I could see that it was a supportive group of people. Previously I’ve never really expected people to be supportive so that a part of the meeting that encourages me. That little voice in my head still spouting negative thoughts but I am pushing it to the side to move forward.
This weeks challenge is to track my eating habits. I’m not very good with this kind of thing. I feel like it’s pointing out faults but it’s not about that at all. I obviously don’t like to have my faults pointed out. Trust you and me I know my faults.
Any suggestions are welcome. Support is definitely welcomed as well.
As Megan McGlover would say “I love you strong, I love you long.” Have a great week everyone.
